One of the main things about being mentally ill is the depression that comes with it. If things get you down, you suppose to work through it but when you are mentally ill it’s considered “all in your head” or “not that bad”.

I am aware that sometimes little things can cause big heartache for me that maybe wouldn’t for others. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, and I don’t think that means I should ignore it either.

I have my methods of working through things. A way to distinguish between what’s real and not: What heartache is caused from my fears, illusions, and dark passenger in my head and what heartache is real caused from true hurt. Hurt that even others would feel.

My methods work most of the time, but today I’m struggling to examine the extent of my heartache. Iv established that it’s a hurt anyone would feel but I’m not sure if “normal” people would feel it as deeply… so you tell me…

SITUATION: my husband seems to have a comment lately for every pretty girl he sees and isn’t afraid with sharing openly “what he would like to do with them”.

MY UNDERSTANDING: all men and women ‘look’. Honesty is good in a relationship. Thinking of other women sexually is not something a committed man does. Personal insecurities can cause one to feel ‘threatened’ with very little reason.

SYMPTOMS OF BPD THAT CONTRIBUTE TO FEELINGS TOWARDS SITUATION: people with bpd have a low self-esteem, fears of abandonment, struggle with trust and depression.

MY EXPERIENCES WITH SIMILAR SITUATION: I have been used a lot by men. I have been lied to and cheated on repeatedly. I have seen how these “thoughts” can become actions in committed people. I have had problems with small lies about other woman before in my current relationship.

HOW I AM FEELING: Extremely troubled,depressed, angry, and worthless . I’m deeply concerned that this is the start of him drifting from me and seeking attention of other women. I don’t feel very respected by him and it feels as if he wants to make me feel ‘not good enough’ because of the way he does it. It’s bringing in doubts into my mind and mistrust. I know it shouldn’t but it’s things like this that feeds my dark passenger giving it leverage when it takes over. I don’t like the feeling of being just a girl in the relationship. I want to feel special, like I’m the only woman he wants and sees that way. It really hurts me that he has so little sense of sympathy.

WHAT TO DO: openly discussing with my partner how I’m feeling would be ideal. Explaining how I’m feeling and why. Requesting a solution and more sympathy. Except that’s not possible with my partner. He feels any insecurity or hurt I feel is “all in my head” and he won’t change anything, I must just “get over it”. Leaving me with the only option of dealing with it alone on the inside and pretending everything is okay…

So I ask you is it not as bad as it feels to me and I should just “get over it” or do I have the right to fight for a change. I’m okay with him saying every now and then that a girl here or there is pretty, but not too this extreme. Is that wrong??

*wishing I only felt things the way normal people do*

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